Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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