dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize