i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
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I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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