But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
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Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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