Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
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Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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