Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I look excited, but its just a facade.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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