i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
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Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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