Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize