Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away

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(650): this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away http://tfl.nu/b3o0

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.

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(920): I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too. http://tfl.nu/1n8l

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(203): View more from Connecticut

either way he was missing a nipple.

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(203): either way he was missing a nipple. http://tfl.nu/17oh

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.

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(717): Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this. http://tfl.nu/jiq7

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(804): View more from Virginia

She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch

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(804): She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch http://tfl.nu/datu

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.

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(919): I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three. http://tfl.nu/4nlq

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name

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(403): I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name http://tfl.nu/7q8a

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(317): View more from Indiana

on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?

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(317): on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week? http://tfl.nu/z5ru

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(516): View more from New York

so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry

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(516): so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry http://tfl.nu/npqz

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.

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(978): If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again. http://tfl.nu/fk6d

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(518): View more from New York

We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer

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(518): We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer http://tfl.nu/x68v

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(718): View more from New York

Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.

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(718): Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year. http://tfl.nu/pj0t

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(613): View more from Ontario

Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.

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(613): Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee. http://tfl.nu/d96h

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.

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(717): Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards. http://tfl.nu/kyyg

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(408): View more from California

This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually

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(408): This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually http://tfl.nu/dqmb

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