Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize