K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
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If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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