Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
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I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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