I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize