She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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