i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
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Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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