his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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