well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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