how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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