Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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