I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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