the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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