I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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