maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
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I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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