sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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