But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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