the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
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Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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