smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
FUCK WHALES
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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