What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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