she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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