true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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