he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
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Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
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His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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