Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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