I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
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She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Two words: blizzard sex
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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