I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
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Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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