is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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