Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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