there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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