Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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