I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
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By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize