I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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