I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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