It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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