he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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