So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize