i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
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I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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