the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
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Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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