Im at strip club and am horny
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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