There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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