He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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