direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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